Life of a Fibromyalgiac- 1
My body suffers from a chronic pain disorder. My body has a disorder called Fibromyalgia, a name most people haven’t heard of, a name which even most doctors are not well aware of since it is still in its research. My body has cluster headache ( don’t know why it’s called a headache cuz its pain deeeeeepppppp inside my eye, ear canal, temple, most of the times travelling till my jaws and neck), which is the most painful pain known to mankind. And now my body is showing some more unexplained weird symptoms.(i am undergoing tests).
Did you note every time i said, my body is having so and so and not that ‘I’ am having a disease, cuz I AM NOT!
It’s a huge challenge to deal with such super crapy chronic disorders which doesn’t make you physically ‘appear’ or ‘look’ sick. It’s a monstrous task as people just don’t get you, they don’t understand or support what you are going through. We are usually programmed to dismiss others pains and sufferings and easily pass judgements and comments like oh snap out it, dont think about it, divert your mind, etc etc. Well let me break a few bones in your body, not provide u any sling support nor let u take any painkillers and then i am going to ask you to not think about it and snap out of it and divert your mind. Why is it so difficult to have a little compassion? No one willingly wants to be sick right! People with chronic pains don’t want your judgements, solutions or pity. All we seek is acceptance and some compassion.
For a person who couldn’t even brush her teeth everyday, today i am fighting and have brought myself to a state where i can. Today I even work almost everyday! I have become so compassionate towards little things in life. Every small task i do, i thank the almighty, i thank God everyday when i brush my teeth that today i could brush! I still can’t bathe everyday, i need to plan my baths, i need to plan my outings, i need to plan my room cleanings. 1 day of room cleaning or going out means i need to take bed rest for the next one or two days. Do you think it’s easy? Do you think i enjoy this? Do you think i want such a life? No one wants to stay ill or in constant pain. No one wants to be in so much pain and fatigue that you can literally feel every inch of your body.
Every min. my ribs swell up and it’s difficult for me to even breathe! I don’t mean to demean people suffering from cancer, but i strongly feel the chronic pain syndrome is much much worse than cancer. Sometimes in my pain i pray to god to barter my fibromyalgia with cancer, i swear!
My body produces chemicals which throws me into depression. The real me is not depressed! I am a very happy, cheerful and positive girl…i always look forward…and this real me has to deal with these chemicals which make me react in horrible ways at times which is not under my control. It’s not easy as I hate it! I hate it when i can’t control my actions and reactions. I want to remain calm and happy too, but some things are not in my control. It’s like having a fractured leg and wanting to run, one can’t even if one wants to.
I can’t hangout and chill with my friends. I want to! I so badly want to, but my body doesn’t allow me to. I want to go trekking, i want to travel the world, i want to do adventurous sports but bloody hell having a bath itself is an adventure for my body!
Today i am so proud of myself that i am managing such challenging health conditions. I am super duper proud! There are times i cry but there are times i thank god as well for these challenges, these are polishing me, making me a better human being, making me more and more compassionate, making me explore how strong i am. I am sure its a preparation for a big bright future i am creating and building for myself.
We chronic pain fighters don’t want pity!
I say, don’t see what i cannot do or what i am not doing. See my spirit! See my efforts! See my journey! See how from a non brusher to i have brought myself to a position to brushing everyday. It’s a huge achievement for me and i am so proud of myself. I want you to be proud of me too!
Please support people with chronic disorders, depression or other mental, emotional or physical health issues.
Please do not deny or dismiss anyone.
Most of us have smartphones, kindly google and educate yourself on conditions which your loved one go through. I recommend this app called pinterest where you can get informations in pictures and posters.
People with chronic pain disorders and depression don’t choose it. They don’t want solutions from you, especially not crude comments and suggestions like snap out and don’t think about it. No one thinks and gets depressed or creates pain. It takes nothing but having a loving heart to just extend your support and listening. These small acts from you can mean a mountain to people like me. Next time you come across someone with challenge, try asking if you could do something to help rather than passing a ruthless comment like don’t think about it. Believe me you will feel beautiful inside and you will open doors for the chronic fighter. It could mean the world to him or her.
Kindly share. Chronic pain and depression is not a choice!
Thank you and blessings to all of us!